CUM ON! LET'S TALK ABOUT S-E-X!
Let's put the F-U back into FUn again on this website by doing two things. First, I want you to anonymously (unless you are bold) submit your craziest sex questions ever. We'll all have a chance to answer them in subsequent blogs. Second, tell us the best place you have ever done it, who you were with and what it was like. This is one of those times where bigger is better. The bigger and bolder your stories and questions, the better off for Dude Deciphering Dot Com. So, fire away -- and, by all means, tell your friends to come up shooting too. The first question will be dealt with Tuesday night 8/1. Let's try to have a different story and a different question every night.
My story begins with being naked outside at a condominium complex where my co-worker lived in South Beach, and ends with security busting us in the hot tub. It was six in the morning. The hot tub action was crazy, and the two of us were piss drunk...(but not enough to piss in the hot tub). The action continued up in her condo, while the two of us were still dripping wet from our little hot tub action... She had just gotten a job in L.A. so we were both celebrating... The next day -- her last at the station -- I could barely keep a straight look on my face. Damn, what a night!
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She Put Her Finger Where?!?!?!
I was greatly humored this past weekend while watching the new HBO hit comedy, "Lucky Louie", when the opening scene dealt with prostate massage.
Let me set the scene. Louie and his wife have some hilarious banter about her putting her finger in his ass. She has done it before. He hasn't. She wants to know how come it's okay for men to fuck women in the ass, and it's not okay for women to throw a little finger in ours. And the show goes on...
But, I am stuck laughing my ass off. Mind you, I am watching this at my parents place, and they are laughing their asses off too... which is just plain
weird. So, it led me to start thinking of an answer to the question posed by Louie's wife. And, I couldn't come up with a good one.
The bottom line is we have every good reason for you to stick your finger in our ass. A lot of us even enjoy it. The idea, though is to wait for the right time...which is right before we are about to cum. You see, your finger will extend and touch our prostate.
Wikipedia says, "The prostate is a part of male sexual response, and a key contributor to male orgasm. Located adjacent to the rectum, it can be stimulated manually. Seminal fluids collected in the prostate are released during orgasm."
It all means we are going to have an amazing orgasm (if done properly). Now, don't get me wrong. Many guys are uptight about the whole thing, just as you may be. So, it may take a little coaxing and a lot of lube to get him "up to the task". But, don't be afraid to experiment with this one. It could be the ride of your life.
Important Message For All!
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S*atch and Sniff
BlueLoverGirl asks a question that keeps my tail wagging, "why do you always put your nose in my crotch when I walk in the door? Why when I tell you stop, you keep doing it anyway?"
I put my nose in your crotch, most of the time, when it is your time of the month. That's because I have different smelling powers than any other animal -- especially a human being. My nose is just super-sensitive, as you may well be aware. When it isn't your time, I may be just sticking my nose there because I like it as much as Nigel would. As for stopping -- it just isn't going to happen. That's like asking me to give up my bone. Just sit down and let me get my sniff, and then I'll leave you alone.Ike.
The Hot Factor
Kat poses the question, "just how far does confidence go in comparison to being physically hot? maybe better said: my body doesn't look like the chicas on tv or the movies with maybe the exception of queen latifa. so, taking into consideration that i tend to carry myself rather well and am (usually) quite presentable, just how much of a hurdle is not being a skinny-bean from dude-ville's perspective?"
Dudes are dicks when it comes to this. You know and I know that most dudes prefer Barbie dolls because that is what they have been shown from their youth. Nigel is no Ken, so he understands your point of view. In fact, chicks can sometimes frown on a "fat dude". Nigel thinks that you have to see through the cover of the book. Most dudes think otherwise. However, there are a lot of dudes out there -- like Nigel -- who are going to be more than happy to be with a girl like you. Confidence is definitely key. Queen Latifah is hot because she -- as you would say -- "carries herself well" and she has a hell of a personality. That combination can be extremely lethal for some guys who are looking for more than just a Barbie Doll. Just think about it, Kat. Not every married woman (or dating woman) is a string bean. Curves can be infectious. Overall, be happy with the way you are. Show the dudes that there is much more to you than "not looking like the chicas on tv..." A real dude will like you just the way you are.Honestly,
Ike.
My Advice on Calling
question girl wants to know about the "calling card".
There are a number of different schools of thought regarding calling. It depends if you want to play games and act like a stupid dude, or you want to play it cool, nice and easy. For the most part, dudes like to play games when it comes to calling you. We'll sleep with you and you won't hear from us for a few days. It's totally offensive, but we don't really care; We'll take you out, tell you we're going to call and then blow you off for days; We'll call you once to be "polite" and then wait days until we call you again if you don't call us; Even if you do call us, we'll make you call back again before we even touch your digits. Simply put, we own the phone thing. We control it. We have controlled it forever and ever. We love to leave you on the edge of your seats... and I'm going to help you through it (I hope). Remember, to beat the dude, you have to BE the dude.Q: question wanted to know when it's okay for a girl to call a guy after the phone number has been "handed off".A: Beat the dude at his own game. Wait ONE day before you call. Don't talk too much. Say just enough to grab his attention, and then get off the phone.Q: question says, "how often is it ok for a girl to call a guy?"A: You never want to call too much. At first, limit your calls to once a day at most... that is if he is responding to your calls by speaking to you or returning your calls. Only leave one message (if it comes down to it) and never call back repeatedly or the dude will think you are a stalker. If the dude is not responding, call once every other day. If that doesn't work, quit calling and see if he calls you.Q: q.g. asks, "how does a girl know that a guy REALLY wants her to call him?"A: The dude will say "call me back"; or he'll say "I'll call you" (and he does); or he'll give you some alternate number for you to call (like his cell or work).Q: "how does a girl keep from being a phone stalker?"A: Take it from me (because I have been a phone stalker myself)... Never call too much. Never talk to the point where you are just thinking of things to say. Never put the dude in a position where he doesn't return your phone calls or abruptly gets off the phone with you just as soon as you call.Q: "any other advice along these lines (e-male equivalents, texting, etc.)A: Basically, the same rules apply. Remember, some people are annoyed by texting. Some dudes may get annoyed reading your messages all day long unless you are in a long-term committed relationship. Even then it can be annoying. E-mailing is not as bad, but you just don't want to overdo it.Remember. Don't be a stupid dude like me. Be a smart chick. Remember moderation is key. Don't ever overdo it like me.Nigel.
A Brief Word About Dude Deciphering
Okay, so I get where some of you are coming from. Dudes are ALWAYS going to be retards, and your electronics department that you keep in your night stand is going to be a hell of a lot more friendly to you. That's all well and good. Ike and I appreciate your feedback and hope you will still read the blog. Our intention is to give you an honest opinion from a dude's perspective about chicks, love, relationships and everything else. Some of the blog entries are going to suck. Others may be helpful (we hope). At any rate, we hope you'll continue to read on. We also plan to write more pieces rather than respond to your questions. These pieces will explain different situations that I, Nigel, have found myself in... and how I have gotten out of the situation. Anyway, please feel free to continue your comments, for good or bad. We appreciate all of your input.
Nicole writes, "a few of the girls have been debating on their respective blogs, and over a few wines amongst my non blog girlfriends, how on earth to approach a guy to let him know that we're keen. I know you've suggested being more upfront, any particular suggestions for the girls who are all rather shy? (other than slipping a number upfront?) - tips on how to figure out that the person in question would receive the attention positively? (I don't suppose you're a body language expert? ;) ) Maybe some of the others are a little better at doing this, but me, I flirt only when I know it's platonic and no real intent behind it. Otherwise I go a bright shade of chicken."
Shy? Bright shade of chicken? How adorable.
First, if you click on the title to our blog, you will be taken to an excellent guide we found in sheknows.com.
If that fails, we offer five of our most CONTROVERSIAL TIPS.
1. Instead of just slipping him the number, make it more interesting. Pass him a cocktail napkin (if you are at a bar) that simply says, "I have something for you." That is a sure-fire bet to get him to come over to you, where you can introduce yourself and offer to buy him a drink. The rest will be gravy.
2. At a coffee house? Offer your man-in-sight some whipped cream. Do it by grabbing the whipped cream from the barista and flat-out saying, "I would love to give you some whipped cream," or ask beforehand by saying, "I'm Nicole. Everything tastes better with whipped cream. Can I get you some?"
3. At school? Tell him you need a "study buddy," and see if he is interested. No doubt he'll be game.
4. At a concert? Cheat and tell him your friend knows some member of the band (any member)... Tell him you are trying to get backstage to see the band afterward. (THIS IS A TOTALLY REVERSE DUDE MOVE, BY THE WAY). He'll stick around and you can get his info., probably get drinks with him and then tell him your friend was lying or something like that (you have to play make believe on your cellphone for this to work). Just keep his attention long enough for him to be pissed at your friend, but want to see you again soon.
5. At a sporting event? Buy the concession of choice (beer, peanuts, hot dogs, etc.) and send it to said guy with your phone number taped on (always bring a small thing of tape).
You see, it all depends where you are and who you are with. There is safety in numbers. If a guy sees you with a group of friends, he is more likely to approach. If he starts hitting on one of your friends first, forget about it. You all need to have a pact that the girl who sees him first has dibs. All others must back off.Dudes have trouble with shy girls sometimes because we feel like they may be hiding something, and we don't have time to figure out some puzzle. So, it's essential to have a bit of confidence, even if by practicing with your friends.
We hope this helps (just a little),
Nigel and Ike.
At Least Two For Tuesday
We have two questions from different parts of the world this Tuesday.
The first is from ANONYMOUS. She writes, "The girls and I have noticed that more and more men... in the mid 20-late 30's bracket seem to be going for the "shaved below" look thinking it'll make them look larger. Where on EARTH did that fallacy start? Was it in a men's magazine (it'd explain why we've not heard about the tall tale until we started seeing the results) And how can we tactfully tell them if we don't like it, without wounding an ego? (I'm well aware I'm not speaking for everyone here though) I'm talking about "putting herbicide on the lawn", not simply "trimming the hedges". ;)
it's not a very tactful question but it's one that at least 4 of the girls I know have come across with at least one or two guys in the past year or two."
Well, ANONYMOUS, I am familiar with this situation. It is true, for the most part, that we are infatuated with making ourselves look bigger. To that end, we shave it all off. Generally, the charade works with a new girlfriend or "steady". Once she measures "it" up, though, you are screwed -- no matter how much you trim. Some dudes, like chicks, are just uncomfortable with a ball of fur "down there". So, they get rid of it for comfort it. Other dudes take turns letting their women shave them while they shave their women. It can be very erotic, but also a game of trust with the razor as well. You certainly don't want a razor malfunction. If you google the idea, you come up with a bunch of stuff. I suggest reading about the pubic hair from Wikipedia. If you click on that link, you'll learn much more about those sometimes hefty hedges.Thanks for the question, and feel free to ask more.
Nicole writes, "I tried to set the best friend of a guy I was seeing, up with a friend of mine as there was interest there. Instead, the guy I was setting up rang my friend to discuss the (by now failed) relationship between the guy I had been seeing and myself, and went on to tell her what a jerk he was ad nauseum and how I should stay away from him. In the same conversation the mood changes and he started asking whether the same guy who he'd been putting down, was still in the bad books and whether I'd started seeing anyone else yet? Are you able to decipher that lot? These are men in their 30's and 40's not their teens though you wouldn't know it."
Woman, methinks you speak in tongues. Maybe it's the fact that you're english is from Down Under or something like that -- but we LIKE IT. A LOT. Do you have one of those sexy Aussie accents, too? That really does it for Ike. Anywhow, let me read this again...and see if I can get it straight. The first problem is the guy you were seeing. It sounds to me like this was all a setup -- a ruse with his friend to find out from your girlfriend what your present status was. That, in and of itself, is so lame. We do these things all the time. We let another person run radar between us to see if there are any flashes of interest left. It's one of the oldest and lamest games in the book. I agree that the men are not acting their age here. Your friend is certainly telling the truth, and she has now been forced into the rather awkward position of "playing telephone" in this whole thing. She should not have to discuss your failed relationship at all. She should tell her "man" that it is a subject she wishes not to discuss, and move on from there. If it's something he is repeatedly referring to, you know it is coming from your ex-, and you friend has to really but the kabash on it. Barring that, said friend shall leave the man, and then you can both go out on the town again.Not From the OC,Nigel (and Ike)
To Answer a "question".........
question still wants to know, "don't you check out and pass on some guys who are real schlubs?; guys who are messy; guys who don't take care of their skin and teeth..."?
Women and men are very similar on this subject. We are totally obsessed with the way one another looks. The difference is men don't show our obsession like you do. We don't have to wear makeup. We don't have to dick around with our hair. We don't have to get all "dolled" up. All we have to do is brush our teeth, comb our hair and we are good to go. If we don't do that, you SHOULD kick us to the curb. The very least you deserve is for us to be presentable -- so much so that you could reasonably take us out with your friends and not be embarrassed to be seen with us in public. The only time we should be sloppy is when we are home alone with you after we have been dating for quite some time. Remember, at the end of the day, appearance does mean A LOT.
(Especially when it comes to my awesome new collar),
Ike (and Nigel)
Do Dudes Need Help? (But Don't Say It)
Erloteiel writes, "When I'm in a relationship, I find myself crossing the line between suggesting solutions the guy may not have thought of and becoming his mother. When guys tell us about their problems, do they really want to be "helped?" I really don't try to boss the guy around or tell him what he should do, but I think it comes off that way. Should I just listen attentively and leave it at that?"
This is a wonderful questions, and there are a number of answers. None of us want to be babied around, but sometimes we do want your help. Help is the most difficult thing for any one of us to ask for, because it shows vulnerability. When we tell you our problems, more often than not, we are playing the sympathy card. You should be straightforward with the guy and ask him, "Is there anything I can say/do to make this any better?" Listen to him carefully and try to observe his body language. Maybe all he needs is a good massage. Maybe more. Remember, like you, each situation is a different stressor for us. Help out, not by being our mother, but by being our lover and our friend. As always, Nigel and Ike.
Confidence vs. Aggression
We have spoken a lot about this lately, so let's try to put a better face on it. Jackass Jenn writes to us and says, "I've been known to make the first move, but if I make the first move I'm aggressive rather then confident....So what gives? When does confidence turn to aggression? or is this just another easy way out for men?"
If you make the first move, you're not necessarily aggressive. You could and should be "assertive". Bid difference. Aggressive is something that chases a guy away and makes them feel somewhat annoyed or threatened. This means too many cqalls, e-mail, text messages, etc. It makes you look needy and pathetic while you are trying to look 180 degrees to the opposite. Basically, you are like bees on honey. Assertive behavior, however, is when you are confident and show what you want from your man, in a manner that is non-threatening. You can tell us what you need. You can tell us what you want. But, don't barrage us. Don't seem needy. Don't become too emotionally attached to us too quickly. You are then bound to have hurt feelings. You have to massage this thing just right, because there isa fine line here. Just make sure you stay on the assertive (or confident) side, and you'll be fine. We promise this one.
Nigel and Ike.
question checks out packages
Aaaah. The age-old question from question.
"if guys really don't care about the outer package, why do they always pick the girl w/ the perfect outfit & makeup vs the girl comfortable w/ her own unadorned face in a t-shirt & jeans?????"
Oh no. We are extremely snobby and judgmental. We care about that outer-package so much that we always look you up-and-down before we decide if we want to even think about hearing what you have to say. Dr. J and I just has a discussion about this where she maintained that you have to get through the book's cover before you can dive into the book. I happen to agree with this, even though I was raised to believe otherwise. That being said, you have to consider your options. Women love options, and men can often be confused if offered options. So, unfortunately you have to make yourself look the best. Don't be sloppy. Don't just splash on some makeup. Don't make a mess of yourself. Show us that you care, because a woman who cares about her appearance is more likely to care about herself in other areas of her life. By the way, don't you check out and pass on some guys who are real schlubs?; guys who are messy; guys who don't take care of their skin and teeth??? It's a level playing field here, and, to us, it sounds like you just have to remember to keep it real.Always,
Ike and Nigel.
Rachel, Rachel.......
Rachel is still confounded. She asks, "so basically men like the chase but will stop if there are not hints of interest on our part?"
We didn't say that. What we said was that, "we reach a breaking point where it's just not worth it anymore...". This has nothing to do with hints of interest. As you know, most of us -- like me -- can not take a hint if it is handed to us and stamped on our foreheads. Sure, we like when you show interest. It feeds our egos and makes us want to chase more, but it's not the be-all end-all.
And now a new question, "When a relationship ends how come guys don't show heartbreak and just jump into the sack with the first thing that crosses their path?"
We're cruel. It's like a game. We want to do whatever it takes to come out first, to be the first to score. That way, we won't feel as bad when you finally get some. Okay, hell. We'll still be jealous, but not if we have a regular in the sack who replaced you. Face it, most of the time we want sex a hell of a lot more than you do. Plus, we aren't as selective. Add to that we have many more sexual partners than you do (in the span of our lifetimes). When all is considered, that's why "we'll jump into the sack with the first thing that crosses our path."She further asks, "Do men love or are they scared of high maintenance?"
Great question. It depends on the woman. Sometimes we are willing to sacrifice some things in our life for a "high maintenance chick." So, it's hard to say. As a rule of thumb, most "high maintenance chicks" chase us away. We just can't keep up, or simply don't want to. We never feel adequate. However, to answer your question straight up, I think it can be BOTH. I once LOVED a woman who was "high maintenance." She scared me too. You see, if I had stayed with her, I don't think I would have ever made enough money; I would have never been able to meet her materialistic needs; and I would have never given her the life she was raised and used to. I sacrificed a lot for "T", and I have no complaints. I am just more realistic about things now, several years after the fact.We hope that answers everything (for now).
Nigel and Ike.
We Tackle Jackass Jenn's Frustrations
Jackass Jenn laments, "...when did this happen that men now feel women have to make the first move? I miss the old days, when men were men."
Men are still men. We have definitely not been emasculated. The truth is women have always been entitled to make the first move. It's your perogative. We think the women's lib movement has also made it more common and acceptable for women to take the lead in this situation. It is now also okay for women to become the predators and men to become their prey. Personally, we sometimes enjoy when the woman makes the first move because it eases an awkward burden (ie. rejection) sometimes placed on us. By the way, have you ever thought that making the first move could help you get that man you have been eyeing, the one who is too chicken to make the move on you? Confidence, again, is always key, and we love to see it in our women.Dutifully yours,
Nigel and Ike.
We Give Clueless Some Advice
Clueless e-mailed us wanting to know about guys. She said, "A chick-friend of mine recently speiled something she'd read somewhere which advises women to make men chase or pursue them as they love to hunt. What do you guys think of that? I'd be interested in your opinion."
Clueless, we are definitely used to chasing you guys -- even to exhaustive extents. However, we reach a breaking point where it's just not worth it anymore. Usually, we rationalize this by saying there are "too many fish in the sea", so we don't have to chase you when we can get your best friend, per se, who isn't making us pursue her as much. To take this one step further, the older we get, the more we know how to deal with the occasional "cock tease". We loathe this. We don't need the aggravation, and the chase will most certainly end as soon as it begins.
We Give Blue More Clues
BlueLoverGirl responds, "I had a feeling it had something to do with the intimidation factor - but how does someone like me overcome the intimidation of OTHER men? I mean, if the only ones that pay attention are toothless and greasy, how can I know that someone more desirable would give me the time of day if they don't show interest first? Are they expecting ME to make the first move?"
Well, Blue, we have answers again. Remember, the problem here isn't necessarily that you are intimidated, it's that they are intimidated too. We're dealing with dating gridlock here, and the stalemate can be frustrating for each side. It's like two bulls locking horns -- one has to give at some point or another. Now, do you want to give, or do you want him to give? It's a matter of the man and the situation. Usually, I would recommend you take a soft approach here. This reminds me of the relatively new commercial where the girl helps to pay for the boy's dry cleaning at the drive-thru. I suggest you make a move to show the man YOU are interested. You can give him your number. Always write "CALL ME" on it, or we're stupid. Ask for HIS NUMBER. Buy us a drink. Invite him out. The bottom line is that you want to show him that you aren't afraid and that you are confident. At the end of the day, we do enjoy confidence in our women.By your side,Nigel and Ike.
Is Blue Really Blue?
Welcome back, amigos. So far the response to our new blog has been fantastic. Look for major improvements as soon as possible. And please, remember to send your friends here. The more the merrier. Today, we received an e-mail question from BlueLoverGirl. She asks, "I am cute and drive a very cute convertible car. I am also a professional and educated woman. Why is that every grease-pit, toothless, unattractive man in town wants to honk, yell, heckle and whistle from their beat-up, run-down jallopies, but the professional, attractive, well-put-together man in his nice car doesn't even give me a side glance??"
This is another one of those questions we gave great thought to, and here is our answer;
1. The less desirable men look at you as a challenge -- a rung up the ladder of sorts. You are also more of a sexual object to them (on a higher plane) because that is what they are used to. They are used to judging a woman by her "sexual value". If you are hot, professional and drive a nice car, your rating soars. To "get you" would be the ultimate feat. They would brag about it to their friends. The stories would run rampant through town. Your name, in effect, would be mud.
That leads us to this:
2. Professional men view you as being on the same plane. They are slightly threatened by that because they know you can out-hustle them in every aspect of life. Obviously, the last thing they want to do is get outhustled -- especially by a competent, attractive woman... especially if it ends up in the bedroom. These men, contrary to the men above, would be ashamed to have their friends know that you "outplayed" them. These men are in more of a game with you than the other men. These men have more to lose, while the others have everything to gain.Thanks again for visiting.
Nigel and Ike.
question Gets an Answer
question asks, "how do you know when to actually SAY i love you to a guy? more to the point, when will he hear the words for what they are vs the nails across the chalk board sound ripping thru his head?"
Wow. This is a wonderful question that Ike and I have given much thought to. First things first. Don't say "I love you" to a guy until you are deep into the relationship and you know he isn't going anywhere. The rule of thumb, if you are saying the words first, is to say "I love you" if he gives you a really nice gift or takes you on a trip or does something he wouldn't ordinarily do. Then you can say I love you. This should be a substantial gift, because it may be his way of telling you that he loves you. If you start using the phrase arbitrarily, say, after six months into the relationship, make sure to use it sparingly. That way he won't hear nails on a chalkboard. Use it once in a while before making it a household term. Remember, he needs to feel comfortable with the sentiment, too. Believe me, at this point he probably does love you, he just doesn't know how to say it.
Rachel Has Questions, We Have Answers
Rachel asks, "What is the best way for a girl to snag a guy she likes without scaring him off?"
Sex. Give us sex, and we will trail you around like puppy dogs. Honestly, just ask us if we want to go out for some drinks. We are always game for that, and we'll appreciate you thinking about it first. Just talk to us, but not so much as to talk our ears off. Then kiss us at the end of the night like we have never been kissed before. Next thing you know, we're yours.Rachel asks, "Do guys care about girls being financially independant [sic]?"
Personally, I would like my girlfriend to be fiscally responsible. That's not necessarily independent, but close. We don't really care what you do with your money, but we want you to be prudent with ours -- especially when things are serious. If you waste our money, we're going to waste you. The bottom line here is that most professional men do care about their women and money. We do want you to be financially independent, but we also want you to be careful with any lion's share of our money, too.Rachel asks, "Do you believe that book 'He's Just Not that Into You?'"
I am not really familiar with the book, so it would be unwise for me to comment.Rachel asks, "Will you marry me?"
While that's the best proposal I have had in a long time, I am afraid I'll have to pass. You are in LA, and I am stuck in Cleveland. Parts of me just can't extend that far.Rachel asks, "Do men think about having kids and all that like women do?"
We think about it, just not as much as you do. Like you, the older we get, the more we think about it -- basically because you have trained us to think about these things. Those of us who are totally turned off by the prospect end up single in our early 40s wondering where we went wrong. Those of us who want a wife and family strike while the iron is hot -- usually before we turn 40.
One for Kat
Kat asks, "i'm moving to a small community that is a combination of everyone knows everyone and holiday vacationers. oh, and i'll be working as an intern at a local church. so, a buddy of mine thinks i should go by myself and hang out at bars to meet friends. why would he suggest this and how might this not be as bad an idea as i tend to think it is?"
Well, Kat. It seems to me this "friend" wants more than you have to offer, or has already been down that road with you. This is a typical guy technique called "sabotage" where we put you in the worse-case scenario just to see you flounder and come running back to us. A female friend of mine recently suggested that women have an easier time at bars than men do, because women are the ones being "picked up." I agree with this to a point, but I think going to a strange bar on your own is a little cockeyed. Plus, if there are vacationers there, you are dealing with a transient population and who knows who will try to pick you up. If you are interning at the church, maybe you can find someone there. I have always found that meeting people at a church or synagogue is always a viable option, because you can surmise they are of good faith. Plus, you only make acquaintances at bars. You never really make friends. Listen to your heart on this one, not some guy friend who doesn't understand what you -- as a woman -- are getting into.Thanks for visiting your Dude Deciphering Team.Ike and Nigel.
The First Ever Answer Session From Deciphering Dudes
Tiffanie asks, "He mows my lawn for me, puts fluids in my car, recharges my a/c and does my dishes when I'm sick. These things are without me asking. Then he says his actions ought to show me how he feels about me. What does this mean?"
Well, Tiffanie, it means he likes you, and the sex is great. Mowing your lawn is a metaphor for keeping you "clean"; putting fluids in your car speaks for itself; recharging your a/c is a metaphor for keeping the temperature just right in your relationship; and doing the dishes is like throwing in the kitchen sink. That's love, because any self-righteous man doesn't really want to do dishes at the end of the day.question girl asks, "why is it that guys will spend time 'courting' a girl and then it is SO EASY to drop them like hot potatos [sic] when something that LOOKS good walks past?
question, "courting" is a term our parents used when they were teenagers. We don't "court" anymore. We simply get while the getting is good. If we like what you've got, we'll get you one way or another -- count on it. Women have to quit thinking of themselves as being "courted" in order for the playing field to be leveled. That way, we'll get confused because you'll all look the same to us.Rachel Kaplan asked, "Why are some guys too chicken to ask me out when I KNOW they are interested? Is it possible to tell if a guy is good in bed before you start seriously dating him and liking him? Cause I don't want to do that and then find out he sucks."
Guys can sometimes be intimidated by pretty women. The cat grabs our tongues and we just don't know what to do. Most guys usually let you know they are interested by aggressively pursuing you. They will call you ten times a day, e-mail you or text message you too much, etc. Those are the guys that are dying for you, and dying to get down your pants. The more demure guys are the ones you may call "chicken". They display non-aggressive behavior. In these cases, you have to let us know that it's okay to come after you. Only then will we pursue.All of us are good in bed. It's just a matter of establishing the right chemistry. You have to show him what you want. Show him how to touch you, where to touch you and the way you like to be touched. Make him feel like the first time is a real exploration, so that it is fun for both of you. He will or should do the same. Once you are comfortable in the same bed, and with each other's bodies, all will be spicy hot.
Tiffanie asks, "what are we supposed to do with your balls? I know I can't be the only chick out there that doesn't know what to do with them."
Our balls are not there to get in your way. They're there for you to play with. You can suck on them, grab at them (not incredibly hard unless -- like me -- we beg for it). Use a vibrator on them and rub it up to our cocks. Anything you want to do is usually game. Just be careful. The last thing we want to do in bed is get "sacked"!
Mission Statement I
Welcome to Ike's Information Center, where we dish up as much advice as you want about your husbands, boyfriends, bosses and every other male in general. Understand the advice only reflects our non-professional opinion and we advocated seeing a therapist if you are having serious unresolved issues. Anonymity can be maintained on this blog by e-mailing Ike and I directly at
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