Dude Deciphering Dot Com

The First Ever Answer Session From Deciphering Dudes

Tiffanie asks, "He mows my lawn for me, puts fluids in my car, recharges my a/c and does my dishes when I'm sick. These things are without me asking. Then he says his actions ought to show me how he feels about me. What does this mean?"

Well, Tiffanie, it means he likes you, and the sex is great. Mowing your lawn is a metaphor for keeping you "clean"; putting fluids in your car speaks for itself; recharging your a/c is a metaphor for keeping the temperature just right in your relationship; and doing the dishes is like throwing in the kitchen sink. That's love, because any self-righteous man doesn't really want to do dishes at the end of the day.

question girl asks, "why is it that guys will spend time 'courting' a girl and then it is SO EASY to drop them like hot potatos [sic] when something that LOOKS good walks past?

question, "courting" is a term our parents used when they were teenagers. We don't "court" anymore. We simply get while the getting is good. If we like what you've got, we'll get you one way or another -- count on it. Women have to quit thinking of themselves as being "courted" in order for the playing field to be leveled. That way, we'll get confused because you'll all look the same to us.


Rachel Kaplan asked, "Why are some guys too chicken to ask me out when I KNOW they are interested? Is it possible to tell if a guy is good in bed before you start seriously dating him and liking him? Cause I don't want to do that and then find out he sucks."

Guys can sometimes be intimidated by pretty women. The cat grabs our tongues and we just don't know what to do. Most guys usually let you know they are interested by aggressively pursuing you. They will call you ten times a day, e-mail you or text message you too much, etc. Those are the guys that are dying for you, and dying to get down your pants. The more demure guys are the ones you may call "chicken". They display non-aggressive behavior. In these cases, you have to let us know that it's okay to come after you. Only then will we pursue.

All of us are good in bed. It's just a matter of establishing the right chemistry. You have to show him what you want. Show him how to touch you, where to touch you and the way you like to be touched. Make him feel like the first time is a real exploration, so that it is fun for both of you. He will or should do the same. Once you are comfortable in the same bed, and with each other's bodies, all will be spicy hot.

Tiffanie asks, "what are we supposed to do with your balls? I know I can't be the only chick out there that doesn't know what to do with them."

Our balls are not there to get in your way. They're there for you to play with. You can suck on them, grab at them (not incredibly hard unless -- like me -- we beg for it). Use a vibrator on them and rub it up to our cocks. Anything you want to do is usually game. Just be careful. The last thing we want to do in bed is get "sacked"!

Signed, Sealed and Delivered by Nigel and Ike at 11:15 PM